so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
