so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
