i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
