I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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