whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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