if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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