You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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