Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
