What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
