why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
