you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
