Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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