I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
