i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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