listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
