R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
