he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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