Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
