seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
