I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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