There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
