They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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