ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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