What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
