My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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