I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
