If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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