What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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