The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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