Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
