No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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