yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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