We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
