____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
