a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
