So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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