The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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