Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
