He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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