You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
