I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
pray to the hookup gods
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
