LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
