erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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