just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
