I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
