I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
