Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
