what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
