Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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