Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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