So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
