If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
