Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
