MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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