i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
