hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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