I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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