I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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