Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
