I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
